Subtitle: Dear Dad
From: Your Daughter unknown to you.
Date: June 10th 2022
When I was In my Pre teen years my mom showed me a picture of you, she even had a picture of you and my brother, your son, I believe that was my first time ever laying eyes on you. You left when I was born and never looked back,, You left me as a baby, such a (Dad) thing to do, right? Anyway!!! outside of that picture any memory of you for me is a complete blur.
I know that because you are my dad half of my DNA comes from you. Sometimes to this day it makes me sad because I don’t know in full about who I am where It relates to you, like, where were you born? What nationality were you or are you because the truth is I don’t even know to this day if you are dead or alive.
It would be interesting to know what traits or quirks I have from you. When I was younger I remember having this habit of rubbing my fingers together rather quickly after I had potato chips or anything with crumbs just to get the crumbs off of my hands, my mom would often look at me (not always with a smile) and say your father did it the same way! So I guess it’s apparent that I got that from you. When I look back into my memory I see how much i look like you, I wonder if there are things we have in common.
As I got older in life I began to have questions but I never wanted to ask my mom because they were questions that needed to be answered by you, like, why did you leave? Did you leave because I was born? Did you not want me? You stayed with my brother for 2 whole years and then I was born and you left, why? Why did you never try to find me? In a world of ever advancing technology Why did you never try to find me?
They say, every girl needs her dad, I find that to be such a true saying, I guess it would have been nice to meet you in life, whatever happened between you and my mom was between the two of you but you left and never had a hand in raising me, your loss! You missed out on my first job, my first relationship, my first solo, mom was there for all of those, she picked up the slack and I will forever be grateful for her strength, her integrity, her love, for discipline, for raising me the best way she knew how.
I’m 39 years old Dad, I’ll be 40 in July, I never thought that I would find myself sitting and writing a Dear Dad letter but here I am.
Why write this letter after all these years? I’m not for certain but I feel as though this is my life’s closure where you are concerned, I feel like you were a coward, not because you left but because you never looked back, every child deserves the love of their parents but you were selfish. A part of me feels like I deserve to know why you didn’t care enough to be in our lives, the step Father I had growing up was…. Just there, he was no dad, no father figure at all.
My mom passed away years ago, she took a lot to the grave with her, there were questions I never gor to ask about you, the only family I knew and know to this dad is my mom, my brother and then my step fathers side of his family, I have no idea who I am or where I come from.
I have 3 beautiful children who may never know their whole genealogy because I DON’T have a clue about who I am on my moms side or yours so how are they supposed to know, there’s not a day that goes by that the thought of that doesn’t make my heart sad.
Growing up it was just my mom, my brother and I for the most part, I can say that I had a decent childhood, mommy always made sure that we were good, we didn’t have much but she saw to it that she kept a smile on our faces even in the littlest of ways.
From the day that I was born up until this very day I have been an overcomer. Did you know that when I was born the Dr’s told mom that I wouldn’t make it past 6 weeks? Here I am though. Did you know that I’m diagnosed with spinabifidia, the Doctors said I wouldn’t walk, that turned out to be miracle to, inspite of my condition I never let it stop me, no wheel chair, no back brace no nothing, just a regular kid turned adult who made it through.
There was a poet who said “Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair” I can certainly agree with that, however I can say that my life is pretty good.
Where ever you went, who ever you went with, what ever happened to you after you walked out of my life, u hope you found happiness, I don’t hate you, I never did, I just still have questions.
If the universe should ever allow for our lives to cross paths IF you are alive then I just want to know where I come from, kind of put the puzzle pieces together, ya no? I would love to fully close the chapters and the book.
Until that day comes, should it come… I will continue to hold on to Hope.
Crys's Everything cafe. ☕ 