Impact vs influence

What is the difference between being an Impact and being an Influence

Introduction Question.

Is there a difference between being an Impact and being an Influence? If so, what is the difference?

In today’s society whether you are at work, at school, in church or even in your community, to be effective you must be able to Command the room or the people that you are around in order to leave/ make a meaningful, lasting impact on the lives of those you are around.

Did you know that there are many people whether known or unknown who do not know that there is a difference between being an influence to others versus having an impact on others? Interestingly enough both of these words are not that far off from each other, they are actually quite similar in their nature because they both deal with having some kind of effect whether it be positive or negative. Interesting right? 

so then this poses two questions:

1. what does it mean to be an influence

2. what does it mean to be an Impact?

For a moment let’s take a look at both.

What does it mean to be an influence or influential? 

Influence is the ability to persuade others without the need to exude force or being overhearing.

The next question would be 

What does it mean to be an Impact?

Impact is to leave a deep rooted meaningful impression or footprint on others as to affect their mindset.

So then influence and impact although similar they wear different hats and may produce different outcomes.

  Lets use an example as simple as childhood, whether you are mom, dad, family, a teacher, a coach, a pastor or a mentor.. being  the right kind of Influence in a child’s life can lead to making a positive Impact in their life, that child will either go on to be successful and doing big things or they fall to the wayside in life simply because of your impact on them.

This brings to light two new questions:

1. How can I be an impact?

2. How can I be an influence to others

Let’s think this through for a moment.

Do you know that the truth of the matter is that there may well already be others who look up to you and you don’t even know it?

For some, being an influence may come off as easy but for others not so much. It’s not always easy to get people to listen to what you have to say or take you seriously, sometimes you have to create and establish the foundation of a relationship, if I don’t know or like you then why should I or would I listen to you?

Taking a sincere approach to truly get to know someone is a big deal, it can create an atmosphere for progress, it can open the right doors, and allow you to sit among those who you may have never imagined… Iyanla Vinzant said (you gotta do your work)… by doing your work (making the right connections, knowing how to talk to people,  establishing positive connections and a positive atmosphere, it will all lead to a great outcome.

After you’ve done the work you can be an impact on others because you now have their trust, you can now fully command the room.. now you can bring change because you have both Impact and influence on your side which will cause people to see you in a different, positive light.

Parenting| A conversation with a mother and her children about accountability.

This is actually a blog that i stumbled upon and had to share it with you because it’s so logical to me, I felt it might help other parents as well….. I hope you enjoy it.



“My Mom did not sleep. She felt exhausted. She was irritable, grumpy, and bitter. She was always sick until one day, suddenly, she changed.

One day my dad said to her:

– I’ve been looking for a job for three months and I haven’t found anything, I’m going to have a few beers with friends.

My mom replied:

– It’s okay.

My brother said to her:

– Mom, I’m doing poorly in all subjects at the University.

My Mom replied:

– Okay, you will recover, and if you don’t, well, you repeat the semester, but you pay the tuition.

My sister said to her:

– Mom, I smashed the car.

My Mom replied:

– Okay daughter, take it to the car shop and find how to pay and while they fix it, get around by bus or subway.

Her daughter-in-law said to her:

– Mother-in-law, I came to spend a few months with you.

My Mom replied:

– Okay, settle in the living room couch and look for some blankets in the closet.

All of us gathered worried to see these reactions coming from Mom.

We suspected that she had gone to the doctor and that she was prescribed some pills called “I don’t give a damn”… Perhaps she was overdosing on these!

We then proposed to do an “intervention” with my Mom to remove her from any possible addiction she had towards some anti-tantrum medication.

But then … she gathered us around her and my Mom explained:

“It took me a long time to realize that each person is responsible for their life. It took me years to discover that my anguish, anxiety, my depression, my courage, my insomnia and my stress, do not solve your problems, but aggravate mine.

I am not responsible for the actions of anyone and it’s not my job to provide happiness, but I am responsible for the reactions I express to that.

Therefore, I came to the conclusion that my duty to myself is to remain calm and let each one of you solve what corresponds to you.

I have taken courses in yoga, meditation, miracles, human development, mental hygiene, vibration and neurolinguistic programming and with all of them, I found a common denominator in them all…

I can only control myself. You have all the necessary resources to solve your own problems despite how hard they may be. My job is to pray for you, love on you, and encourage you, but it’s up to YOU to solve them and to find your happiness.

I can only give you my advice if you ask me and it depends on you to follow it or not. There are consequences, good or bad, to your decisions and YOU have to live them.

So from now on, I cease to be the receptacle of your responsibilities, the sack of your guilt, the laundress of your remorse, the advocate of your faults, the wall of your lamentations, the depositary of your duties, who should solve your problems or spare a tire every time to fulfill your responsibilities.

From now on, I declare all independent and self-sufficient adults.

Everyone at my Mom’s house was speechless.

From that day on, the family began to function better because everyone in the house knew exactly what it is that they needed to do.


For some of us this is hard because we’ve grown up being the caregivers and feeling responsible for others. As moms & wives we are fixers off all things. We never want our loved ones to go through difficult things or to struggle. We want everyone to be happy.

But, the sooner we take that responsibility off of our shoulders and place it back on to each loved one, the better we are preparing them to be MEsponsible.

We are not here on earth to be everything to everyone. Stop putting that pressure on yourself.”

Much Love,

(shared from a post)

My very first podcast| Heart Therapy


Welcome to my very 1st Podcast…..”Heart therapy”, where I am your host… In this podcast I just want to encourage someone to keep going, keep on pushing, I know it’s not always easy and i know sometimes you may want to throw up your hands and throw in thr towel but KEEP GOING!!!! I promise you that when it’s all said and done you will he that much prouder of yourself. ❤   take a listen and be encouraged

Chicken noodle soup for the everyday heart

https://rss.com/podcasts/chrissiespeaks/

Letters from a slave.

Letter dated 25 March 1863, written by a slave named “Jimmey” working for the DeRosset family in an office in Wilmington, N.C., stating that his owner has given him permission to marry. “Jimmey” is James W. Telfair, Jr. (born in 1837), who later became a reverend at St. Stephen’s A.M.E. Church in Wilmington, N.C.  This information was found in a document on the Telfair House, a historic home in Wilmington, N.C.

Item Transcription:

Wilmington N.C. March 25/63 My kind + affectionate mistress
I hope these few lines may find you well also Miss Catherine and the rest of the family I received the note you sent me and I have full permission to marry from Mr. Castin I don’t like to have to beg but when I know it is my own owner from whom I am asking these favors it prompts me to do so + therefore I hope Miss Lizzie you will not look upon it hard I want to ask you please mam to send me some money to try to get something deasent to get married in May if nothing happens to prevent the Yankees don’t bother now Miss Lizzie I have an eye to the time I know the times is hard + have bin waiting for this time to pass but the Lord knows best most all my time is taken up at the office + can’t make much tho they are very kind to me at the office give me plenty to eat I can find no fault at all I hope you and all will be able to return home soon in peace + safety I will try + be faithfull to you until you come home again the Reason why I write to you for some money so soon is because I want to look around + see what I can get Aunt Julia + aunt Bella sends their love to all alls well I would of wrote you a longer letter but I have bin making envelopes at the office so late to night that I must close goodnight My Dear mistress May the lord of host be with us and the God of Jacob be our Refuge From your affectionate ServantJimmey Miss E A DeRosset

Source: https://web.lib.unc.edu/civilwar/index.php/2013/03/25/25-march-1863/

Monday motivation

Each time you make a good decision or do something nice or take care of yourself; each time you show up to work and work hard and do your best at everything you can do, you’re planting seeds for a life that you can only hope will grow beyond your wildest dreams. Take care of the little things—even the little things that you hate—and treat them as promises to your own future. Soon you’ll see that fortune favors the bold who get sh*t done.”

Having a big heart. (Lessons learned.)

One of the hardest lessons I have learned in this life is that having a big heart and being nice will often leave you with a broken heart and make you wonder if having friends or a social circle are really a good idea.

Having a big heart is such a blessing, you can share your smile, your generosity, your heart with the world and in return you may end up encouraging or putting a smile on someone’s face, someone who was on the verge of giving up or may at the time be on the verge of giving up may gain new strength to fight and to continue on just because you are that one person who truly cares.

Having a big heart, it’s not something that you can just turn off or on like a switch, it is who you are, no matter how you may in life try to change because you’ve realized that people have taken advantage of you for being the person that you are, it seems that you can’t fight it, i realize that i have come to terms with believing that those with a big heart are made extra special and sent from the heavens to in some way be a blessing in and to this world.

The biggest problem or challenge with having a big heart is that you are easily caught in the crossfires.

Well,  what do I mean by that ? 

when those around you whether it be your colleagues, friends, family members, or even the very person you are in a relationship with, they over extend your kindness and they knowingly use you, it becomes clear that they do not appreciate you or anything you do, they wholeheartedly take advantage of you. 

When you live a life where helping and being there for others comes naturally, it truly is a rewarding feeling because you are able to come to the aid of others, you are that shoulder, that pillow of comfort…..However…I certainly believe that because everyone is so used to you being there, when you now need someone, it seems confusing to them because there was never a need for them to be there for you or to consider you in return.

If i were to speak from my own experience, in my own view of things, then truth be told there were times when I wanted to run away from the world, and other times when i honestly just wanted to curl up into a ball and stay there, i  have wanted to create a bubble and build walls and keep everyone out just so that the hurt would stop and people would realize that i was not their punching bag, i wanted them to come to the realization that i was human to, that i came with feelings and emotions and the way they were treating me was uncool.

Let me close out by saying this, if you can relate to this blog, if you feel like being you is just not worth it and you are ready to tell the world where to go and what to do with themselves because you have just had enough!, take a moment and think on this thought:

This big, crazy world that we live in, it needs a you!, it needs the love you give, it needs to see that there are still some people out there with compassion in their hearts, it needs to see that there is still someone out there who isn’t afraid to be themselves and stand with strength no matter what is thrown their way. So please… don’t shut yourself away, continue to be you, spread love, spread those positive vibes, continue to be that light that someone needs because in truth you have no clue how many people you may come into contact with whose lives you will end up saving just because of that big heart of yours.

To thine own self be true.

In Highschool one of the books in the curriculum for the year was Shakespeare, I HATED old English 😀 but I realized something along the way…..In Shakespeare’s “Hamlet”, the most powerful words spoken by Polonius before his son left to catch the boat to Paris was:

“To thine own self be true.”

Thats a quote that is so simple to say but it seems as though we live in a time when it seems like authenticity no longer exists because we let society hold all the standards. There are many who from day to day put on an act or a facade because they feel like it’s easier to be accepted that way, while there are others who have truly forgotten who they are.

It’s so important that we accept ourselves and always carry with us the scripture in (Psalms 139:14) that says:

“we are fearfully and wonderfully made”

the only thing that should matter is how we see ourselves because allowing the world to dictate our who, what, where, when, or why will surely lead to our demise. When we lose sight of who we are our Authentic self becomes compromised.

Before Steve Jobs passed away, he said:

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life”.

People these days are so easily influenced, some live as “yes men/women” they will agree to whatever people say because they don’t know their worth, or they are too afraid to see their own potential, they don’t realize that they are amazing individuals.

Each day is a new day to be open and honest with ourselves, it’s the opportunity to see ourselves through the eyes of those that see us for the beautiful souls that we are. It’s time to get rid of the negative thoughts and be kind to ourselves. It’s time to live in our truth, set the standard and let the world follow suite.

So I encourage you from this day forward to be uniquely you.

“To thine own self be true”

#Be yourself #BelieveInYourself #LoveYourself #BeTrueToYou #Be Strong

The 20/40/60 Rule (From That Great Philosopher, Shirley MacLaine)


(Disclaimer: this is not my work, I found it to be interesting and wanted to share.)


At 20, you care what everyone is thinking about you. At 40, you don’t give a damn what people are thinking about you. At 60, you realize no one is thinking about you.



I recently sent this little missive around to a bunch of friends and their reactions were varied and interesting. Many thought it was funny and even cute, but some were saddened by it. I don’t quite get that. To me, it’s the best part of getting older. You have a much better sense of reality and are able to deal with the real world far better than you can in your 20s.



In your 20s, you are totally paranoid and know for sure that everyone is smarter than you. Better schools and better grades mean they must be smarter, right? Not so fast. As you gain experience, (a PR word for “age”), you realize that not everyone is smarter than you are about everything. That, in fact, you are smarter than your contemporaries in a certain number of skills—whether it is writing, speaking, street smarts, selling ideas or creating ideas. If you’re an entrepreneur, you quickly learn to hire people far smarter than you — because if you’re the smartest person in the room, you lose.



Another thing you learn is that life truly is random. You can plan for weeks on end, only to see things change in a heartbeat because of situations that are out of your control. So focus on what you can control and let the rest play out. You’ll have a much more enjoyable life, and probably a more successful one as well.


Original link:

http://www.middlebergcommunications.com/blog/the-204060-rule-from-that-great-philosopher/

Relationships are no longer what they used to be.

My mom married my step-dad when I was about 5 or 6 years of age, TRUTH IS, I never took to him, in my eyes and the way i felt, he was like bad glue on paper, he just didn’t take, we didn’t get along AT ALL, I didn’t like him and he didn’t like me BUTTTTT it wasn’t about me it was about THEM…. one thing I can say for sure is that come what may they MADE IT WORK!, never once did I see my stepfather walk out because “he needed space or he needed to think” never EVER once did I see my mom disrespect him in any way, shape or form.

I’m so much older now and I see/hear people in whole relationship talking bout I/we need a break, I need to think, now, I’ve come to realize that relationships of old were, like ford “BUILT TOUGH”, they had the glue to keep it together comes what may, good times, bad times, tough times, tears and all but they STUCK IT OUT!!
I’m ALMOST 39 years old and the question that sticks with me is, if people are in a relationship or engaged and want to run or take a break every time things get rough HOWWWWW in the world will a marriage between them ever work?
Lately in my head I’ve come to see that being engaged is the new being married because it seems like NOBODY wants to get married anymore, nobody wants to stand before God and say I do and I mean I get it.

I remember a long time ago someone said to me “It’s just cheaper to keep her” overall it would be emotionally and mentally to much for some to go through, for sone a divorce would just cost to much and be to much of a headache and the whole process would take up to much time.

Not to long ago someone said to me that their fear was loosing the person simply because by loosing that person that would mean they would then know that they were completely rejected and understand that there was better than them out there, they would then understand that they could have/should have done better even though all along they chose not to.

It’s sad because it seems like often times the only reason people hold on is due to finances or out of selfishness or because they are just used to that person so they don’t want to let go, then there is the fear that the person they were with who they hurt or did wrong by actually ended up or will end up finding someone who treated them so much better OR didn’t find anyone at all because, well, “if I can’t have you then you can’t be with anyone else” right???

Here’s my take (just my opinion) on the matter…

Before entering into a relationship and dragging it out for months or even years and then never marrying or having the desire to marry that person (I have seen this first hand) the female was devestated!. PLEASE be sure of what it is that you really want, otherwise leave that person be so to not waste their time or so that the next person who may indeed find them WORTHY of loving enough to marry can indeed be with them… let’s stop being selfish holding on to people… GOOOOOD PEOPLE because we know that they are good quality material but we are just to selfish to let go in fear of them meeting someone who will value and find worth and true partnership and love in them!….

In retrospect let us Choose to do right by our significant others or be the bigger, mature, selfless person and let them go.

Get in trouble (good trouble.)

(An open letter to all children/teens/young adults)

It was civil rights activist and icon Mr. John Lewis who made the statement:

“Get in trouble, good trouble”

You are never to young to be the change, You CAN make a difference in this life.. It does not matter how old you are, where you come from, what your skin color is or. anything like that.

Someone said: “Be the change you want to see”.

Living in this day and age/in this time it is important that you all push towards and strive to achieve that change, whether it be by way of school or everyday life, it may feel like a struggle or a tussle from time to time but it’s a must that you all push for what you believe in.

Sometimes, I sit and I wonder what life will be like for my children when they get into their adult lives, I’m not afraid to say that I am afraid simply because I look around from day to day and pay attention to the society that they are growing up in now, my hearts prayer for them is that things will be better.

Being the change may mean standing alone at times but I want you to know that the things you stand for are important, don’t EVER let anyone tell you that they are not, don’t be afraid to push for a better tomorrow.

When I lived back home in NYC some years ago there was a sign that they had posted in the subways that said: “If you see something, say something”.

No matter your age it’s important that you not be afraid to speak up and speak out
though sometimes it may seem a bit scary.

When you see something that may seem off to you, Speak up,
When you see someone doing something that you know is just plain wrong, don’t be afraid, speak up.
If you have something to say and want your voice to be heard, Speak up!

John F. Kennedy said:

“One person can make a difference. and everyone should try”.

There will always be opposition, people will try and speak over you or silence you or try and find ways to keep you from speaking at all but make sure that you always speak up!!

You all have a voice… be sure to let it be heard.

Lastly. I need you to always stand your ground and never ever give up, so long as your alive you can always be of help or assistance. Know that It’s ok to be persistent regardless of what others say, think or feel, the change you want will come in due time if you continue on in following after it.

Don’t let fear lead you to feel powerless, what you do can and will in due time have an impact on others and those who will follow behind in the generations to come

Be that ripple effect… let it start with you.

I’m going to close out the way i opened..

Get in trouble, Good trouble.